so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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