Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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