yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
