So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
