She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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