I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
