Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
