Betty ford says i'm here all night
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
