my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize