I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did I show you my penis last night?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
