This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
