Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
