haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
