I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
