We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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