I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize