You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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