he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
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By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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