I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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