yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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