I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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