Don't make out with my wife yet
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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