Non-Jews are for practice
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
