I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
