I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
