I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
