Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
