he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I could fuck to npr.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
