MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
