Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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