Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
