I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
