Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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