The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
