I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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