Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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