I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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