I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
