dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
