i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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