Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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