Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
