We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
