that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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