if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
