I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
