I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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