Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
