He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
And then he peed in my hair
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