So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
