Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
