u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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