OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
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i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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