i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
