What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
