I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
