Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
