pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
