You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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