My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
